Insecure

I am insecure, yup. Never really sure of anything.

Sometimes I still doubt whether this profession is the right one for me. I told this to a good friend of mine two weeks ago and he couldn't imagine that I would doubt this. But I do. It's hard work, very hard work. And a couple of times per year I get the reward that makes up for everything: a concert where everything falls into its place. And they're rare, maximum two times a year.

And sometimes I doubt everything. If I can do this. Studying all the parts, improving myself and everything else that's also a part of making music and in the end takes up much more time than the actual playing.

I warn my students about this. Doing this profession means that you have to keep giving input the whole time.

When I decided I was going to be a professional musician my teachers in high school warned me. I had to be really good to succeed. Some even laughed and wondered what I could do with a conservatory education. And now I am here, doing all this great stuff. I proved all them wrong. But that's when the hard part starts. Keeping going....

And I am. But I do have one strong conviction that I share with my students. In life I can always go right or left. I told myself that I am going to to that direction where my heart lies, even if that means I have to stop playing.

I almost did stop. In 2008 I was severely injured and I gave myself the chance to stop playing during my recovery period. But I didn't. I even made a record with music for one handed saxophone. 

I have no discovered photography and sometimes I wonder if that wouldn't be a better career choice. But then I realize I have to do the same stuff in photography as in music if I want to be succesful. It never comes by itself.