Taoist - Shit happens.
Buddhist - Shit happening is an illusion.
Hindu - This shit has happened before.
Moslem - It is the will of Allah that Shit happens.
Confucian - Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
Zen - What is the sound of shit happening?
Catholic - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Jew - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Protestant - Let shit happen to someone else.
Atheist - Shit happens for no reason.
Agnostic - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Baptists - Once you’re saved, shit doesn’t happen unless you backslide.
Jehovah’s Witnesses - Let us in and we’ll tell you why shit happens.
Rastafarian - Let’s smoke that shit.