I've gotten some comments from friends that I haven't written on my blog while I promised to keep everyone posted through the blog. The thing is, it's takes up so much energy to round off my thoughts, and to write them in words. In 2015 I had sort of a plan. Now I am empty. Living by the day. Not knowing where I am going. I am working hard, yes. Dealing with the effects of the chemo, mostly the overwhelming nausea. But also fatigue and mood swings. And again this is a period of looking back. Where can I go further, where stood I step back? Now's not the time to take decisions. But I feel this is the time to play like a kid in the moments that I have that are manageable. Listen to some music, trying to read (lack of concentration again!), transcribing some solos, experimenting with electronics. All small scale so far. But I guess I need something to hold on to.
On the practical side:
Last week was my last chemo. As the stem cell nurse explained it to me: these chemo's are to take the weeds out of the garden. On 7 December they will burn down the whole garden with a extra heavy chemo to be as sure as possible that they will get all of the cancer cells. From this chemo my body cannot recover: enter stem cells. I harvested them some weeks ago. They are cancer free, because Hodgkin cancer does not enter that area of the body typically. After that this chemo and stem cell transplant, which will take a week, I will be transported to a hospital room with over pressure because for some weeks I will not have any resistance whatsoever. I can get visitors, but nobody should be ill.
In January this is all over and it's time for rehabilitation.
Will try to keep everyone posted!