Right now I am still full of adrenaline. Probably I will crash tonight or tomorrow. But it was certainly worth it. The piece and the people I worked with gave me so much energy.
Arjan Tien, the conductor, became a good friend of mine while working together. The orchestra was fantastic. They tried so hard to do the Denisov and succeeded! Not only musically (bravo!!) but also production-whise: raise the extra money for the percussion and the rent of the scores. And to programme something avant-garde-ish like this takes a lot of courage.
It all came together perfectly!
It was probably a show of a bit too much hubris to undertake this project. But I felt I had to do it. I practiced this piece during my chemo therapy and I wanted to close something off, or rather, start a new period. Not that I am better yet. I still lack muscle power and the fatigue can be quite overwhelming. But not this weekend! I played, and played well, even if I don't count that I had a chemo some weeks ago I can say this.
Now reset and rest, train, and try to get back in my daily rhythm. Because one the reasons I could do this was that I hardly do anything else yet. But I could never work a week of 50 hours like seven months ago. And maybe I shouldn't anymore.
Well, that's something I do not want to worry about yet. I want to enjoy this victory. Because although I did not experience the chemo as a fight against cancer, finishing this project successfully feels like a victory.