What's Next?

Last week I played a solo concert in Splendor Amsterdam. I was quite nervous. I decided I want to go something else with my music after a period of four years of being sick and recuperating.
I played contemporary music: a quarter tone piece by Sander Germanus. An absolutely genius piece. He wrote a saxophone quartet for my former quartet, the Amstel Quartet, which we all loved. Playing this piece is one of my warmest Amstel memories. He also wrote a solo piece, which is written in what he calls micro-modes. My extraordinary Raaf Hekkema recorded the piece and you can hear it here: https://open.spotify.com/track/1QXg8kcxYjFLFpa3MFgQlc?si=sA-U32eETdSwXcvWMfsErQ Sander himself says that you shouldn't do drugs, but listen to his music instead. And it is true. This music creates a sort of surreal atmosphere in which the listener experiences notes he knows on an instrument he knows, but with a completely different sound altogether. Combine that with the nifty tempo variations, that also upset the listener and you get a piece that sounds like no other music I have every heard. And I only need one saxophone to play it.
I also played with drummer Vinsent Planjer. He wrote a piece called "Boeventronie" for baritone saxophone and drums. Vinsent is one of the most creative improvisors I know. He is absolutely open to just about anything.
But the thing I was most nervous about was my own music, for electronics and a bit of saxophone. I used Squarepusher like beats and sampled Donald Trump. I loved making it, thinking about how to build up, what sounds to use... It was an adventure.
To close off I played with Ivo Bol, an electronic musician who doesn't know boundaries. He was the one who introduced me to electronic music as a performer.

And what is next?

Not sure. I will have some meetings with fellow musicians who appeal to me and whom I want to play with. To be continued!

I cancelled 40 concerts last week: What happened?

Dear friends,

Right now I am in the hospital. The cancer is back. After some really tense weeks I was diagnosed again with lymphoma, cancer of the lymphatic system. This is relatively favorable. My chances for the first time in 2015 were 90%. For the remaining 10% they are 70%-80% after a relapse.

D,

At the time I am writing this I am in the oncology section of the OLVG West Hospital in Amsterdam West for four days to give me immuno- and chemotherapy. The first time, in 2015, I never thought about being part of the 10% that has a relapse. I saw the cancer as a sort of super flue, with a compulsory sabbatical. I turned the situation around in my head and made it into something positive. A chance to purge myself. And that is what I did. I thought a lot about the stuff I did. I made choices and tried to go on in a different way. The coming year reflected these choices. I had concerts with my good friends Rembrandt Frerichs, The Four Baritones, Ernst Daniel Smid, Remy van Kesteren, Martin Fondse, and much more!
I have the biggest class at the conservatory in Tilburg I have had since I started, with really good musicians from all over the world. I was looking forward to working with them so much. Luckily I found an excellent substitute, Juani Palop.

But during summer holiday I found a bump on my chest. After some tense weeks it turned out to Hodgkin's disease again. Which was relatively good news. The old cancer could also have developed into a less favorably form of for example non-Hodgkin.

Of course it is a big disappointment. I can hardly start to describe what I and my family and friends feel at this time. I will get three times three weeks of chemo- and immunotherapy, of which the first four days I will be hospitalized. Then, if all goes well, in the second half of November I will get a stem cell transplant. They will give me back my own stem cells that they will harvest after the second chemotherapy. If there are no complications I will be done before Christmas. Then recovery. And trying to get back in the game.

I will keep playing the sax during the therapy, like last time. And again I will be on the look out for stuff that I like to play even more. But this time I can't attach a reason to all of this, yet. I will keep you posted.

Thanks and stay safe, Ties

Nothing

When I started my blog I had a vision about what to share with you. I didn't want to share the technical details of the cancer and chemo, and I didn't want to make you dwell on my feelings and emotions. I wanted to offer you something that you could use, I wanted to extract something from this period that is universal.

I haven't written a blog like that in some weeks now. The chemo is getting heavier and heavier. The cancer is probably gone, but the medicines do their thing and my body doesn't like it. It's all I have at the moment. I get up and I wonder how I am going to spend the day. There are less and less specs of light in the day. Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? I know I am most likely getting better, and still I am complaining. I have reached the threshold. It's enough. I can take a step back and look at myself and see that in February I will a little bit better and most likely I will feel (almost) fully operational this summer. But again, my body is not liking these times. It's hard to get around this.

I wanted to make things, and I did, but less than I wanted to. I wanted to compose, and I did. A lot of sketches, but not a real piece. It's ok. The most important thing is getting better. It's small things, like this blog in which I express my creativity, no matter how small. Yesterday I had a great morning with my friend Rembrandt Frerichs, discussing and making a program about jazz music and Coltrane solos I will  play. Small things. I have to just let things come.

I am unsure about my future. But it's influenced by the state of my body and my brains. I cannot rely on them. I am preparing to start thinking about things. That's all I can do, but I cannot take actual decisions right now.