maandag 21 september 2015

They blew up my face!

I got an allergic reaction to one of the medicines. One of my best friends apped me that Isis called. Isis? I asked. To claim the explosion of my face....!

The second cycle is heavier than the first one. My body and mind are saying no. The allergy to one of the medicines, but also my veins are closing for the infuse it seems. The nurses couldn't find good veins in my left arm. I want the left arm, because the right one is the one that has nerve damage from my accident in 2008. In the end they had to do the right arm, in the hand itself, which I didn't want either. Because of playing the sax. But it seemed there was no other choice. 

The nausea was quite overwhelming this time as well. But at least I know better what to expect after the first cycle. 

Today is a better day. Slight naesea. But I feel like eating and some tranquility. The despair in the first cycle was tough. To be honest. 

I woke up Monday night at 2:00 with his face. Can you imagine? Red eyes and 39,5 fever, even with the prednisone. The worst of this cycle is over at least. 

12 hours later my face was back to normal with no fever. The next bag of medicin was ready to go in.

I am trying to train my saxophone technique every day to train the fine motorics, as adviced by the onco-physiotherapist (yes, this is a profession!). On hand it feels very good, practicing only technique, like a meditation, but on the other hand, I am not sure how my technique is now. It doesn't seem to be as fluent as before he chemo. Not sure why, fatigue, neuropathy (possible nerve damage because of one of the medicines), other things. I want to just focus on doing it. The medicines will have to go in anyway....

That's something new for me: I have to take these medicines because otherwise I will die... Sounds dramatic, but my onco-psychologist (also a profession!) pointed this out to me today.

Again, I will get better, and stronger than before. With some scars, physical and emotional, but hey, I will be able to play the blues better!

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